i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
