if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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