I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
