She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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