I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
