Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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