i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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