I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
