"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
