HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
