I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
