Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
