Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
