Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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