dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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