I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
