Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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