What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
