This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
