Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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