went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
