Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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