Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
