I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
