dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
