4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
