Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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