If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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