wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
