I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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