i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
