he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
