My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
