I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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