hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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