i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
