I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
