Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
only if we run a train.
done.
someone owes me an orgasm
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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