I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
