Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
