sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
