Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
