Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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