I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
