I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
