I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
