She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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