I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
