Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
