I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
